The Dress

Ahh. My dress. One of the most excruciating parts of our wedding planning journey.

Did I have that “IT’S THE ONE!” moment in my dress? No. Does everyone? No! Society has taught us ladies that as soon as we put on the dress we should know instantly that that’s what you’re going to get married in, and you have this fantasy vision of you screaming “I said yes to the dress!” But that’s not reality. I think in total I tried on between 40-50 dresses before finally settling on the one I got married in. I say settle, as that’s exactly what I did – even thought it had exactly everything I wanted about it! Weird, huh? 

If you ever ask me what my dream dress looks like, it’s this: 

Photo courtesy of Naomi Neoh - I do not own this photo. Or this dress, for that matter. 

The Naomi Neoh Dita dress was the epitome of my wedding dress dreams. It was plastered over every wedding magazine for a couple of years leading up to our wedding – I couldn’t turn a page without seeing the advert for it. But it had a hefty price tag (around £2,500) to go with it, and I’m sorry, but I just CANNOT justify that for a dress. That I’ll wear once. For 12 hours. My parents wanted to buy my dress, and knowing that they weren’t the most well-off of people just made my heart break to think of them parting with that kind of money. I’m sure if I was adamant and asked them, they’d have bought it in a heartbeat. But that wasn’t the point. I wanted to set a budget of under £1,000 – if that was possible.  

So I put my frugal hat on, and started trawling the net. I tried various second-hand sites such as Preloved, Still White, eBay and Gumtree, trying to find Dita in a size 10 for a reasonable price. But everyone who was selling her still wanted an exceptional price for her (£1,200+) and again I just couldn’t justify it. I resigned myself to the fact that I couldn’t have her, and used her as inspiration for the next 40 dresses I tried on. Not one of them even came close to matching her glory, and I really, REALLY started panicking that My Dress wasn’t out there.  

The closest I came to trying on Dita in my local bridal shop! This one had pockets (!!) but just couldn't match up to her :(

This is where you brides have to start thinking outside the box. We dream up these visions of what we think we want, and 9 times out of 10 we walk away with something completely different to what we started with. This is what happened to me! I tried on every single style of dress in every single material, and this was a really good stepping stone for coming out of my comfort zone. I realised that despite wanting the big Princess gown, they just drowned my boyish figure. You notice that there are so many shades of wedding dresses – white, ivory, cream, champagne, oyster, pearl, blush – that not all of them will suit you and your complexion. I’m quite pale, and we found that something off-white really complemented my skin tone.  

The dress I got married in wasn’t chosen by me, but by the shop assistant. I can’t tag the shop I bought it in as it doesn’t exist anymore, but I was adamant that I didn’t want to go in there because nothing I’d seen in the windows had ever appealed to me. I only went in to appease my soon-to-be Mother in Law, who had actually bought her wedding dress from there many moons ago! Another point to consider – just have an open mind! You may be very surprised how first impressions can change.  

By the time I found my gown, I was frustrated and nearly in tears that I STILL hadn’t found anything. And I’d been trying on dresses well before we’d even got engaged!! However, we had a really good shop assistant helping my mum and I find a dress, and she’d really listened to what I wanted. I loved lace, I needed something off-white. I looooove bows (I have a bow tattoo!), and wanted a strapless, sweetheart neckline. I really hated corset-back dresses, so either a hidden zip or buttons would suffice. If it made my ass look fab and my waist tiny, then we were on to a winner.  

She pulled out a dress I had previously bypassed on the rails. It was by designer White Rose and the style number is R704. If I’m honest, I think other dress companies have bought out this style, as I’ve seen it listed elsewhere under a different name and designer. It had a price tag of £1,250 – still WAY over-budget – but I tried it on anyway. I came out of the fitting room, and my mum didn’t get all teary-eyed or scream with joy… But she was SO certain – that was it. Time to stop looking! 

"Breathe, not long to go now!"

And I mean, it did look kinda great on me. Not to be big-headed, but I do really like my bum. And this gave Beyoncé and J-Lo a run for their money. Waist was tiny – tick. It was off-white, as it had white lace with an oyster-coloured satin underneath. It had a bow, which even had a bit of pearl and crystal embellishment on it! A zip on the back was hidden by lace-covered buttons the entire length of the dress, right down to the puddle train at the bottom. And it had the most beautiful eyelash hem along the trim that was just perfect! Like, how, did she ever find this – and I completely overlooked it?! It just goes to show… don’t judge a book by its cover! 

The price still bugged me though. So off I went, back to my second-hand sites. And lo and behold! A lovely girl from Scotland was selling R704 in a size 10, had had the length shortened as she was only 5’4” (same as me!) and the bust let out slightly for her 32D chest (same as me!). It was the most perfect size for me and… it was only £500!! She was such a genuine seller, who had only worn it for her wedding ceremony in Vegas (where we had our honeymoon – like, it’s meant to be?!) and then her first dance. She’d had it professionally cleaned, and when I asked for more photos she was more than happy to send over 20+ photos of every single angle of the dress, which had absolutely nothing wrong with it. She even offered to pay for it to be sent by Next Day delivery, AND threw in her Wonderbra that she wore with it and never wore since! I mean, come on! Can you get more amazing than that?! I snapped it up (well, Bank of Mum and Dad did) and it was perfect.  

It just goes to show, that with a little persistence and research, you really can get the dress of your dreams. It doesn’t have to be The One you’d always imagined, and it doesn’t have to break the bank if you don’t want it to. I had absolutely no problem with the fact that My Dress was second-hand. When I tell people it is, they are completely shocked as it looked so brand-new! I didn’t feel that instant connection to the dress in the shop, and I think that’s what helped my ideology of what The Dress did, or didn’t, mean to me.  

Ultimately, it’s a dress that as I’ve said before – you’re only going to wear once, and not even for very long. Yes, it’s the most important thing you’ll ever wear in your life. But the most important thing about your wedding isn’t what you wear; it’s who you’re standing opposite when you wear it!  

And what are you even going to do with it after? Store it away in the loft, never to be looked at again save for when/if your future daughter wants to play dress-up in it? Would you sell it on? Cut it short and wear it to a cocktail party? I mean seriously, who has cocktail parties?! After having it professionally cleaned for around £80 (this does differ depending on the size of your dress etc.) I asked my mother, who is so amazing at all things crafty and creative (obvs passed down this to me in her genes!), if she would be up to the job of cutting it up into little pieces, and wondered if she could make me a teddy bear out of it! She – gulp – obliged, and set about chopping it up according to a pattern I’d found off eBay. I’d seen those people on Facebook who take baby clothes and turn them into bears, so why couldn’t it be done with a wedding dress? The only thing was, everyone I found who’d made a wedding dress bear made them look a bit… rubbish! There was just nothing special about them, and they looked quite sad! Maybe it was just what the seamstress had to work with, as some dresses are quite gopping, but I really didn’t want my dress in anybody’s hands except my mumma’s! And this was the end result… I’m sorry, I know I’m biased – but how fucking amazing is this bear?! Talk about THAT for a family heirloom! My aptly-named Lacey Bear takes pride of place in our bedroom, and one day will end up in our future child’s nursery. I think being able to look at my dress every day in the form of this beautiful keepsake is a much better use for your dress, post-wedding! 

My mum chopped up my wedding dress and turned it into Lacey Bear! 

She used the bow for a bow-tie and recycled the buttons to run down the back of her. 

Obviously, what you decide to do with your dress is completely up to you. Maybe you’ll frame it? Or use the offcuts to make pretty jewellery or a small keepsake, such as a decorative heart to hang in your house? Why not Trash the Dress in a messy photoshoot in the sea or jumping around in muddy puddles? The age-old tradition, of course, is to cut it into a christening gown for your baby. What would you do with your dress? 

P.s whatever you do decide to do, I highly recommend getting it cleaned as soon as you can after your wedding. Dry cleaners can store them in special tissue paper to preserve the dress, and provide keepsake boxes for them. Either way, the longer you leave it, the harder it is to get out stains, so it’s best to sort your dress out ASAP! Just get one of your bridesmaids or your mum to take it to the cleaners while you’re on honeymoon :P

KEB x