The Next 12 Days

For the first time ever we saw that 2nd pink line! Our two embryos had made it - we were pregnant!!

The day we found out we were pregnant - June 22nd 2018 - we couldn’t contain our excitement. We just HAD to tell our parents! I’m one of those people who love watching pregnancy announcements, proposals, gender reveals – anything real that could be out of the movies! So, I wanted to make it extra special when we started to tell people our happy news. 

When J’s mum was pregnant, J’s dad often knew before she did because he would always get a sudden hankering for white chocolate! So we went into town and found one of those vintage-looking books by Ladybird called “The Grandparents” to give to his mum, and then passed a bar of Milky Bar to his dad... Obviously she just burst into tears, and I think his dad even got quite emotional later that night, too! Baby B would’ve been due mid-February, so we actually found a Valentine’s Day card in Waterstones (a bargain in the sale as it was June!) which I gave to my parents. I wrote “XO Baby B, due February 2019” in it, and my parents just stared at it for what felt like an age!! I don’t think the penny quite dropped instantly (either that, or they were just too stunned to believe that we actually WERE actually pregnant!) 

Our babies would've been due in February, so we got this card for my parents to announce our pregnancy!

One of my best friends C was coming over one day, and I told her to come upstairs while we were getting ready to go out. I hid my positive pregnancy tests underneath my purse, and asked her to pass it to me as I packed my bag – all the while my phone was set up behind a photo frame to catch it all on video! Her response is so genuine and so lovely: “Am I supposed to look at this...? OH MY GOD I’M GONNA CRY!”  

It was another of my best friend’s first wedding anniversary a few days later, and I signed out her card “Lots of love from K, J and Bump”. It makes me cringe, thinking about it now!! But again, I caught her reaction all on camera and she just looked at me as if to say “you twat, come here and hug me!”  

We told our close family friends at a BBQ we hosted, and there were so many tears. One of them had even brought low-alcohol champagne with him because he had a feeling we were about to reveal our exciting news! Again, we got it all on film. I was so happy that I would have our own little compilation of pregnancy announcements to show our future children! 

Obviously, I was excited. But I was so, so nervous, too. I knew too many people close to me who had suffered from miscarriages, and I was terrified I would suffer the same fate. I wouldn’t allow myself to start talking about maternity leave or baby showers, and one day my best friend took me aside after work and just said “look, this is your time. Come on and enjoy it, you SO deserve this!!” And she was right! I did deserve this, I HAD to stay calm and as stress-free as possible, not only for my sake but for that of the little lives I was growing inside me. J’s mum started knitting a baby blanket and bought me a pregnancy cook book, and I saw a cute Winnie the Pooh cushion that would look adorable in our future nursery, so I bought it. I spent time with pregnant friends, and for the first time since our journey began, I didn’t feel sad or anguish at seeing their blossoming bumps. I was one of them, now! 

This is now the part that I’m finding the hardest to write about. In the space of 12 short days, we went from Cloud 9 to rock bottom. 

11 days after our positive test, I noticed I was spotting. It was the first wee of the day and I was still half-asleep, but as soon as I wiped, my heart started pounding out of my chest. J tried to reassure me that the clinic had said I might experience some light bleeding, but I couldn’t put the worry out of my mind. I rang them first thing, and they again tried to reassure me. They told me about 75% of IVF patients experience bleeding in the first few weeks! From experience with a close friend, I knew that I shouldn’t start worrying about the threat of a miscarriage until I started seeing fresh, red blood, which would probably have big clots in them. I specifically remember her being told “if they’re about the size of a 50p coin, you’ve probably miscarried.” That line has haunted me since I heard that. 

By early afternoon, the spotting had turned to blood. I was frantic, and I raced to the pharmacy after work to pick up some more pregnancy tests. I had to test, I had to know I was still carrying my little babies. As far as I’m concerned, two live embryos were transferred into me. As far as I’m concerned, I’ll never know if only one of them made it by the time I tested, because science isn’t that advanced. As far as I’m concerned, I still had two babies in me. 

J wasn’t as worried as I was, even when I said about the blood. Even when I said I was going to take a few more tests, he still carried on his evening as usual – he was adamant nothing was wrong. I took a Clearblue Digital, and a First Response, and both screamed ‘NOT PREGNANT’ at me. Only then, did J realise what was happening to me. 

I was having a miscarriage, and there was nothing in the world we could do to stop it. 

KEB x

Thank You's and Favours

Two weeks before our Big Day, the Tax Man realised I’d paid too much tax recently and so a well-deserved repayment cheque landed on my doorstep! I used this to pay for a trip for myself and A to go away to the Mercure Hotel Cardiff for a spa and shopping weekend at Christmas, as a thank you for everything she had done for me. As you know, the Hen was absofuckinglutely amazing (read all about that here!), and she had even produced a Wedding Countdown Calendar for me, that included cute little gifts for me to open in the lead up to the wedding! 

The local jewellery store that J had bought my engagement ring from – Drakes – offered a fab deal. Using their rewards card, you could earn 10% of what you had spent back on the card. Obviously, an engagement ring is a big purchase, so the reward was quite handy when it came to buying gifts for my girls! I used the rewards to buy two Thomas Sabo pearl charm bracelets, and bought them each an A and H charm for them. I also bought (from Etsy!) a Deathly Hallows charm for A (she’s Harry Potter mad!) and a CND Peace charm for H, as she’s a total hippie! 

Keepsake jewellery for your bridesmaids always goes down well - and it doesn't have to cost the Earth!

We had received a generous present from a relative who couldn’t make the wedding, who kindly sent us a gift card for Debenhams. Along with some other wedding bits, I also purchased two Swarovski rose gold bangles for my flower girls using the gift card. They were a bit big for them, but I thought it was something they could hold onto and wear when they were older.  

For the groomsmen gifts, I really wanted to get the guys something that they would actually appreciate. I didn’t want to do the usual cufflinks/hipflask/engraved beer glass rubbish – it’s just a bit old hat for us! So after a bit of digging around, I found this amazing seller on Etsy who engraved bottle openers! They were one of those fancy devices that could open various alcoholic beverages, and had a little penknife on it, too. The handle was wooden, so it fit in with our theme perfectly! Again, we found a bargain as the seller had an offer of buy 8 get 1 free, and in total we paid just under £58 for 9 – so J got one for himself, too!  

A practical gift for the Groomsmen - engraved bottle openers!

We opted not to buy gifts for our parents – again, flowers for the mums was too old-fashioned for us – so we took them out for a swanky meal soon after the wedding, which they really appreciated. We went to St Elizabeth’s House, where they do absolutely gorgeous food at really reasonable prices! A few of our friends got married there, and it’s a lovely setting, as well. I’d highly recommend it for a Sunday Roast if you’re ever in the area – although they’re so popular you do have to book in advance. I booked our meal for six people back in June, and couldn’t get a table until October! 

I did, however, buy my dad some cufflinks as he said he needed some for his shirt. I gave them to him on Father’s Day before our wedding, and one of them said ‘Father of the Bride’ and the other had our wedding date on them! He loved them, and it killed two birds with one stone! Thrifty and fancy!

As J and I were still thinking about our house savings in the back of our minds, we decided not to buy wedding gifts for each other. He doesn’t wear jewellery, so I know if I bought him a watch or cufflinks, they would never see the light of day again. But as the day drew nearer, I panicked and thought “shit! What if he’s bought me something, and I don’t have anything for him!?” So, on the day before our wedding, my girls were running various errands for me and I asked them to pick up a ‘Husband to Be’ card, and the most recent season of Suits on DVD! It was just a little jokey present, something for us to watch when the wedding blues finally set in and the dust had settled! (Unfortunately, J didn’t get the panic-memo, and didn’t get me anything. Not. Even. A. Card. Hasn’t lived it down – a card at least would’ve been nice!!) 

Again, I really stress that favours should be something worthwhile for your guests – if you opt to do them, that is! If you’re planning a wedding on a budget like we were, you have to take note of the fact that even if you spend £2 per day guest, you’re likely to be shelling out over £150 on – let's face it – crap! (Why on earth did sugared almonds used to suffice? “Hey, thanks for coming to my wedding! Here’s some disgusting treats my nan wrapped up for you!”) 

My mother-in-law is amazing at baking biscuits. She made a massive batch of them one Christmas, wrapped them all up in cellophane and twine, and sold them at a market – and boy, did they sell well! Since it fit in so well with our dessert table idea, I asked her if she’d be willing to mass produce her winning cookies for our favours. Bless her, she baked three different flavours for each person and wrapped them up – that’s over 200 cookies!! We then attached a luggage tag that I *painstakingly* stamped with everyone’s names on, and voila! They doubled-up as our placecards! They went down an absolute treat, because of the fact that they were wrapped up and ready to go, you could just take them home with you after the reception. The fact that it meant my MIL could be included in the preparations, they were lovingly handmade, and we saved money was extremely valuable to this part of the wedding planning! 

If you don't mind getting your hands dirty with wedding DIY then don't be afraid of handmade favours!

We’ve all been to weddings where the favours absolutely sucked. A mini pack of Love Hearts or some foiled chocolates just scream “Gee, you spent hundreds of pounds on your outfits, transport, potential accommodation, gift and time off work to come to our wedding – have a sweet on us!” One particular favour I’m really fond of though is a charitable donation. Cancer Research UK for example, specifically design cards with badges to say that a donation has been made to the charity in lieu of favours. Like, how good of the bride and groom is that? You could choose any charity, especially if it’s close to your heart. At the end of the day, how likely is it that you’re going to take home a favour from a wedding? Not very, so make it memorable, or make it actually edible that people will appreciate – like us! 

KEB x